Will You Be My Date?
Preface: This blog may contain stupid feelings.
Woke up late, but still had time to do the dishes, fold some laundry, clean out my fridge, make lunch, do some more dishes, and get completely ready for the day.
Left for school, but left my dinner at home on the counter. Oh, and find out that my bike tire is flat again. Grab my car keys and drive to school...luckily I found a parking spot. A good friend from Idaho Falls texted me right before I walked into choir, and he wanted to hang out for the 2 hours he was in town.. but I had to go to choir. Sad because I really wanted to hang out with him and catch up. Choir was okay. Sang my heart out...but struggled like none other. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be singing.
Late for work because choir went over. After loading the Deleta bus, I went to get in my car and drive to the rink, but my car battery was dead. Lovely. Only way to get to work was to hoof it. Yet again, I was lucky and a friend saw me walking on the side of the road and she picked me up and kindly took me to work.
After my first shift at work today I got to take a walk to my parents house to get a ride to my car to get it jumped. But on my walk I realized how lonely I am. Being alone has settled in and just hurts. I feel like I am all alone with no one.
Yes I have my friends and family, but that is not where I have deficit. This is the season where everyone pairs up. I am missing someone to share the holidays with. Someone to just cuddle up on the couch with. Take walks out in the cool air and falling leaves. Someone to just be with. I am usually just so excited about the up coming holidays, my birthday and the weather change, but this year I am slightly dreading it. It will be the first year within 5 years that I will be spending Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and New Years alone, without a special someone there. No one to shop for and watch their face light up when they open that perfect present. I know I am being stupid, but it truly saddens me.
I miss having a boyfriend. A boyfriend that is with me. Not for the NIF, but for feeling of comfort.
My heart hurts for you. It empathizes and partly wants to say "welcome to my life" but it hurts for you.
ReplyDeleteit stinks. it really stinks. If it makes you feel better you can buy me presents. ;)
ReplyDeleteBut really, I hope that you can find some of the good things in alone. You never have to compromise... do what you want, when you want, have time for school (at least more time), and time for those projects whatever they may be that have been sitting and waiting.
You can pair up with me. :P
ReplyDeleteIt's my third year doing all those things alone and I agree, it's sad and sucky.
:( I know you will find someone special to spend the holidays with. You're nice, cute and funny. What more could anybody want?