A Library Of Living Life.

I MUST HAVE THIS!!! LIKE NOW!!! STARTING A FUND, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONATE TO MY CAUSE. WHAT IS MY CAUSE EXACTLY...WELL A FETCHING CUTE APARTMENT!!!! I NEED $129 FOR IT. E-MAIL ME, AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY ADDRESS SO YOU CAN SENT ME MONEY!!! dilljac2@isu.edu

Almost half way through the semester...doing okay. Still passing all my classes, that is with grades C+ or higher. Congrats me. These past few days have been especially hard. Not only am I struggling with school, but work and my personal life is all up in the air. I had my tarrot read yesterday...it was really good. somethings in it were wonderful. odd enough, many things in it were up to speed on my life. Now I don't really believe in it, just becuase I make it seem like the reading si accurate becuase I look for things in my life that match what the person/cards are saying...but it is still fun. I want to go get my palm read, but the only problem is I dunno where I can get it read at here in Poky... maybe in Salt Lake. That would be fun. Gonna do it. Went to Charley's. So much fun. It was nice to just get out and be care free for a little bit. Although, it was nice just to go home afterwards. I hope to go more often, make some friends. haha in need of friends lately. Also, IN...

Yes. It is true. I am now single. It is heartbreaking to think about. Jeffrey and I are no longer together. Not a second goes by that I am not thinking about it, or thinking about what used to be Us. Obsessive? I don't think so. It is more a memory that can't escape. I am trying to be okay with it all. Not happening all the well. I used to be so happy. What happened? Not sure. Everything was wonderful for such a long time, and we just fell out of love. More on his part, than mine. I still feel love towards him. Even slightly romantic love, but the favor is not returned. It's hard to still wake up with him in the same place as me and know that we won't be. Friends is what we are. Friends is what we'll be. Maybe the future holds more, maybe less. Only time will tell.

dear people without a life so you must follow mine, i am not dead, i promise. just super busy and it does not help that the device i use to create a gateway into my life has been broken for a month or so. but alas the laptop is fixed and the entertaining can resume. yes resume NOT résumé, there is a slight difference. so many things have happened and it is absolutely ridiculous that i have not mentioned anything of the sort. where to begin? i dunno even know where i left off...pause for reading previous blogs...ah yes, ended with something happy. well the truth shall be uncovered. just wait, this is going to be a special edition of jacob and jeffrey, revealed. yessum, there are sometimes that i tell myself my life is a tv show, or in this case a newcast where the reporter has found some ground breaking news about something that everyone only sees the surgace... example? Nah, too lazy to come up with one. okay, for the last month, let's see, what has gone wrong? let's ask the op...

I love the nights when Jeffrey falls asleep holding my hand :) Nights like these make everything that goes wrong and everything that is causing so much stress just go away. It is when this happens i know that the two of us love each other so much and everything will be alright. With all the cars breaking down, financial problems, working issues, and just stupid things we fight about, holding his hand as we both drift into a peaceful slumber takes all those problems away. (Now I know that previous sentence is Probably a fragment or at least has something wrong with it. And I DON'T CARE!!) This is my dance.

There are so many things I wish in this world. Wish I was taller. I wish I could look good in my own clothes. I wish I didn't have to struggle with the unfortunate car break down. I wish I had more friends. I wish I didn't have to go to school. I wish I had enough money to comfortably live. I wish I could obtain th things in life I want and Jeffrey wants. I wish I could afford things. I wish writing wasn't so hard for me. I wish academics came easily for me. I wish I was as close with my family as I use to be. I wish I didn't get upset as much as I do. I wish my dad would have the garage he has wanted for so many years. I wish I was stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally. I wish I wasn't looked down upon for being Gay. I wish Natalie lived so much closer. I wish Jeff and Jessica would stop smoking. I wish Amanda didn't have to struggle financially. I wish Meagan didn't get frustrated so easily. I wish Tyler never got in his accident. I wish Jeffrey ...

365 Days ago from 14 hours from now, I declared I would have the best year. I am about 83% successful, the other hand I had an epic fail 17% of the time. Where to begin? Let's just start at the beginning, makes sense right? Right. January, I created a list of 12 items that I was determined to work on. Why is this successful or even the least bit good? Well I accomplished 9 of the 12 things Hurray. Success. Feburary, Failing Grades, Laryngitis, and got my heart shoved into a blender, pushed puree and forced to drink it. March, Road Trip To California and back with the best person in the world, Natalie! Took upon my true identity and faced the world with the knowledge that I am Gay. April, Purchased plane ticket to Denver. Down 25 pounds and lean muscle. May, Semester is over! A's all around. Fancy Night with the family and it was a major success. Natalie still here!! Sunday Drives. Entered an art show. June, Saved a young girls life. The sun burn from hell, literally. Date nigh...