A Library Of Living Life.

I love the nights when Jeffrey falls asleep holding my hand :) Nights like these make everything that goes wrong and everything that is causing so much stress just go away. It is when this happens i know that the two of us love each other so much and everything will be alright. With all the cars breaking down, financial problems, working issues, and just stupid things we fight about, holding his hand as we both drift into a peaceful slumber takes all those problems away. (Now I know that previous sentence is Probably a fragment or at least has something wrong with it. And I DON'T CARE!!) This is my dance.

There are so many things I wish in this world. Wish I was taller. I wish I could look good in my own clothes. I wish I didn't have to struggle with the unfortunate car break down. I wish I had more friends. I wish I didn't have to go to school. I wish I had enough money to comfortably live. I wish I could obtain th things in life I want and Jeffrey wants. I wish I could afford things. I wish writing wasn't so hard for me. I wish academics came easily for me. I wish I was as close with my family as I use to be. I wish I didn't get upset as much as I do. I wish my dad would have the garage he has wanted for so many years. I wish I was stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally. I wish I wasn't looked down upon for being Gay. I wish Natalie lived so much closer. I wish Jeff and Jessica would stop smoking. I wish Amanda didn't have to struggle financially. I wish Meagan didn't get frustrated so easily. I wish Tyler never got in his accident. I wish Jeffrey ...

365 Days ago from 14 hours from now, I declared I would have the best year. I am about 83% successful, the other hand I had an epic fail 17% of the time. Where to begin? Let's just start at the beginning, makes sense right? Right. January, I created a list of 12 items that I was determined to work on. Why is this successful or even the least bit good? Well I accomplished 9 of the 12 things Hurray. Success. Feburary, Failing Grades, Laryngitis, and got my heart shoved into a blender, pushed puree and forced to drink it. March, Road Trip To California and back with the best person in the world, Natalie! Took upon my true identity and faced the world with the knowledge that I am Gay. April, Purchased plane ticket to Denver. Down 25 pounds and lean muscle. May, Semester is over! A's all around. Fancy Night with the family and it was a major success. Natalie still here!! Sunday Drives. Entered an art show. June, Saved a young girls life. The sun burn from hell, literally. Date nigh...

One more semester down, only 5,000 to go. Sometimes it feels like I will be in school for the rest of my life. Granted I do not have to go to school as long as any other doctor, but still, it feels like I will never be done. I can just feel all the financial weight weighing me down. It's just amazing how all that interest just build up. How fun. Grades still have yet to be posted... except for my sign class... of course A! Hurray, that is one class I will not hae to retake. Why am I in such a Hate-School mood? Let me draw you a picture....ps I hate the word picture... I would prefer to use the world photo.. it just flows off the tongue better. Monday, beginning day of finals week, I look at my final schedule and see that I have my only 3 finals all on Wednesday. So Monday night I am getting together with some classmates from my Philosophy class. We get a bunch of studying done, very successful night. Tuesday, I only work for a little bit and then Jeffrey goes to work, meaning it is...

What a week it has already turned out to be. Everytime I make a step towards productivity, I happen to draw the "Back 2 Spaces" card in this game of life. I seem to be doing more damage than I am good. How can something with good intensions turn out so bad? I hope this is not something I will be accustomed to. I am bad with words, let's just say that. I cannot get the correct words out to help define how I am feeling or what I truely want to say. I am stuck with the traditional 6th Grade-Male-From-Iowa vocabulary. I am always getting my words mixed up and they are always being taken wrong. How to fix this? I dunno. I thought I was pretty exposed to different ways of expressing myself in words, guess not. Sometimes I think Jeffrey gets super annoyed with me. I am OCD in so many ways...The dishes must be done before I go to bed...I have to sleep with a fitted sheet AND a regualr sheet...I am constantly sweeping the kitchen floor...if it gets too hot in the apartment, I cann...

It has been over 2 weeks and I have only mentioned... wait I have not even mentioned it yet... WE ARE ARE OFFICIALLY ENGAGED!!!! Hurray and all the twitterpatedness is at an all time high. Well I am guessing you wanna know that deets (For all of you that do not know the East Coast lingo... Deets=Details).OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! Okay for starters... WHAT THE HELL DOES THE RING LOOK LIKE?! Tungstun Baby! When did he propose? 3 Effing Weeks From This Coming Tuesday. And the ever so popular... How did he do it? Well here's the story... It is the week before Thanksgiving break and I am scheduled at work like crazy and school is taking me for a ride that cannot compare to any rollercoaster created. Jeffrey tells me he wants to make me a Birthday Dinner... this Monday, for it is the only day we will actually be able to eat dinner together. He makes me a delicious Baked Broccoli Pasta, and it was delicous. Then he tells me he made me dessert..and I had to close my eye...

What a week this has been. Beginning with a terrible trip to SLC, breaking down...car and emotionally. Then the week seemed to do a complete 360 and everything was better. Denver sure did me a lot of good. Getting away from Pocatello was probably one of the best things that has happened. I missed Jeffrey like none other. It didn't help that his phone charger was left in my car as it sits on the corner of Redwood and 900 North, Salt Lake City, Utah. The only means of communication was Facebook, and the two of us are never online at the same time. So we communicated via messages. Finally, the day before Thanksgiving, Jeffrey was visiting his mom and used her phone to call me. Thank God. I had been waiting for that call for the entire week. It was amazing to hear his voice again. Every day we went out shopping...and by us, I mean Natalie, Bean, Jordyn and I, of course becuase you all know who I was with. ha ha. We never went to the same mall twice. It was amazing. And I have found a n...