A Library Of Living Life.

Ugh, getting back to the gym. There is definitely a love hate relationship beginning to form with the gym. I love going because I feel so good afterwards, but I hate going because 1)it is clear the hell across town from where I am living and 2)that is when I look my ugliest. I mean I look much better when I first wake up in the morning. Bleeck. Necessary Evil. One day I will get the body I want. The one where I can go swimming in public and not have to hurry and get in the pool for fear of being seen. The body where if my shirt happens to come off I won't be in a dead panic to find the nearest fig leaf. I am sick of all this extra skin. I know, I know. Exfolliate, Shae butter, Dead Sea Bath Salts, Exfolliate, Vitamin E...Repeat. It just takes too long...but I shall be patient...2 months and if no improvement I am getting myself a damn tummy tuck. One a completely different note, I have narrowed my in Likeness down. I have my eye on one guy and am determined to keep myself from nerd...

Good lord that last blog made me sound slightly emo. "Crraaaazzzzzeh!" Maybe I should start doing poetry readings. Haha! No, I only joke. You know it is gonna be a better day when you watching Glee and Will & Grace and you can do nothing but smile. What a Spring Break this has been! Absolutely fun! I have had a good night, every night. Did a ton of shopping, Lady Gaga, so nice to have friends again. Being single has it perks. I can have a life, and be with friends. Good friends. Awww, I think I am happy to be flying solo again.

when will it end? everytime I convince myself i am over you my heart makes it known i was lying. who would have thought taking photos out of frames would be so hard. who would have thought seeing an empty apartment would be so emotionally draning. it is an endless wheel of torment, one i just can't escape. sure losing a fiancé and boyfriend is hard, but the worst part is losing the best friend i have always wanted. it will never be the same between us. there will never be that chance of running into each other and reconnecting at the mall. or getting a surprise visit. now everthing is just the way it was last february. still in like with a guy that has no affection towards me. shame for letting it be the same guy. My Heart Burns With The Desire To Rekindle The Flame, Or At Least Create A Spark. A Spark Not Necessarily In The Direction Of Romantic Affairs, But The Spark Of At Least Friendship. Although It Seems The Desires Of The Heart Stay With The Heart. sunday i will be back at s...

Thanks Right Everyone!!! Be Jealous!! LADY FREAKING GAGA!!!! The Most Epic Concert Every! Crazy How I Got The Ticket...I Was Told I Was Going Friday...Concert Was Saturday.. Luckily I Have Amazing Co-Workers And Alec Weaver Took My Shift For Me! How Did I Luck Out? I Dunno! But It Was Totally Worth It. I Went With My Sister-In-Law, Hilairy And It Was Amazing. Lady Gaga Is So Amazing Live!! Holy Smoker. I Was So Impressed How Good She Sounded Live...Cause Let's Get Real, Most Singers Sound Like Poop Live. Goes To Show How Fabulous Lady Gaga Is. Not Only Was Her Performace Good, But The Sissor Sisters Opened For Her And That Was Just Awesome As Well. Such A Fabulous Concert. I Am Sure Lady Gaga Helped 400+ Closeted Gays Come Out Last Night. Haha I Would Come Out Again Just Because Of Her.

Okay, now I am silly. Sitting in Professional and Technical Writing I am reading the February edition of Out Magazine...The Love Edition. And I can't help myself but to read the 19 included love stories. I shouldn't be reading these kind of stories...because I am crying the middle of class. Yes Jacob bring more attention to yourself than you already do. Gosh why am I such a sensitive person? It is kinda lame, but what can ya do? Just finished having a lovely chat with a new friend, Phillip Coates. Met him my first LGBTSA meeting. He is pretty legit. Funny. Nice. Actually interesting. He invited me to come to Karaoke on Wednesday at Charley's...and I think I am going to go. Hopefully I don't start singing Justin Bieber again. It is kinda sad, I fall in Like way too easily. Working on that. I think I am in like with another guy...That makes four right now. Some more than others, but nonetheless...another guy. Not quite sure how to handle it all, but I will do it the best ...

I just love watching people. Today sitting at lunch was pretty humorous, well to me at least. Sitting in the Canoe Room at ISU there was this couple sitting there and the girl was failing epically. And IT WAS HILARIOUS! She got her boyfriend some lunch, which was sweet, but then he bites into his food and realizes that there are tomatoes...haha and he is allergic to tomatoes! Yes, failure number one. Then after numerous accounts of apologizing, she spills her drink on him! OMG how funny is that?! It gets all over his pants...and the nonstop apologizing begins again. Now I am sitting next to a group of people freaking out about professors taking attendance. It is kind of pathetic. Obviously the dude is dominating and conversation and has valid arguments. The girl here is definitely a poor student and hates going to class. Gosh what has my life come to? Sitting here eves dropping on peoples' conversations? It is sad, but super entertaining. And now I am blogging about it...Okay I hav...

Clarification on the last blerb...okay not the right word, a few side notes about the previous entry. Title is all thanks to Lakota Terrace. I actually do not remember what we were talking about, but it was so striking that I had to use it as the title. Yes everyone, I have given in. I am a Justin Bieber fan. I love his music. It is legit. Okay okay, I do not really like him as a person, but I do like his music...I just have to remind myself that he probably does not write his own music, he just sings it. Thank you Aaron Hall for telling me it will be okay when I finally come out of the Justin Bieber closet. Rocked out to his music already 3 times this week... and it is only Monday. High School Musical...I promise I do not have a crush on Zac Efron. I just like the music...okay that is a lie too...I just wanted to go back to a time where everything was happy....oh gosh there I go again lying like crazy. Okay, I LIKED THE MOVIE! Sheesh..All this confession crap is really hard. Participa...

Today was a day full of guilty pleasures. Gosh, who just has a day full of the things that make you smile...and feel absolutely amazing?! Me, that's who! GP 1. Cuddlicious Morning. GP 2. Mike and Ikes. GP 3. Shopping with no intention of buying. GP 4. Rocking out to Justin Bieber. GP 5. Biking for a good 10 miles. GP 6. Oreo + Peanut Butter. GP 7. High School Musical. GP 8. Enchanted. GP 9. Hanging out with a missed friend. GP 10. Shorts and flip flops. GP 11. Rainbow Sherbet. Gosh. What a fabulous day. The sun was out. Shining bright. Talked to one of the sweetest guys I know. Blushing galore. Happy.

I have been inspired. It is time to revamp my life. Begin to recreate all the things I wanted, or thought that I wanted. My friend Evan Heath talked to me the other day and we discussed life. What we want out of life, where we want to go with life. Where am I going? What am I doing? I am becoming and Audiologist. I am going to do everything I want. Last night I decided I am going to do something I have wanted to do for years, but never had enough faith in myself to actually do. What it is, you all will have to wait. When I get it all done, trust me, you will all know. There also is an apartment I was looking at and I am going to get it. I have decided that the second it opens I am going bug the heck out of the landlord. I WILL live there. It is perfect The apartment looks amazing. Dark hardwood floors, spacious livingroom and HUGE bedroom. The kitchen is wonderful. Storage Galore! And The bathroom is not as big as my bathroom right now, but it is a very comfortable size. AND the best p...

This morning I had a great epiphany. I realized that I have been so worried about Jeffrey and what is going to happen with him, when I shouldn't really be concerned. Yes it is okay to be concerned about him, but to the extent of me wanting to do things for him like find him a better paying job, or a cheaper apartment. I am too nice of a person. Don't get me wrong, I still think about helping him all the time, but that will only cripple him. I am creating a crutch and that is not good for either of us. It gives me false hope and just gives him another person to fall back on. Today I have decided to start anew. Thanks to my friend Evan Heath, I have new clothes, a new watch, new magazines. I have decided I am going to do things for me. I am going to get the things I want to have. I am a strong person. Smart. Attractive. Fun. Exciting. Thoughtful. Romantic. I am a wonderful person and I am going to start acknowledging it. I am going to focus on me for now. I do not want to be in a...

Knock knock. Who's There? *Kick*Punch*Slap*Curb Stomp*Knife-in-side*Karate Chop*Soap-in-eyes*Knee-to-groin* Translation: Single while the man of my dreams is already over me and has another boyfriend. What a great feeling. All that effort, still hurting.