Only A Pen Pal Can Deal With Me.

For some reason I feel like I need to blog.
I dunno what about. Not sure if there is a reason
for the feeling, or if it is because I have been doing nothing
all day.

Facebook asks what is on my mind...
The silly thing about Facebook is I can never
really say what is ACTUALLY on my mind. Not for
fear of people's reactions to what is on my mind, but
for fear of exposing myself to everyone. Exposing the inner
thoughts and feelings that I usually save for personal
conversation or even thoughts that I can blog about. I know
not every one of my friends reads my blog, so I feel safe
expressing what I am actually feeling, well for the most part.

What's on my mind:
Last night I got to thinking. I was listening to a song
by Adele, "Chasing Pavement" and the song has been racking
my brain ever since I listened to it. Not just allowing
the tune fill my head, but actually listened to the music,
words, melody and all. That is definitely something I do not
normally do.

The Lyrics:
I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is Love.

But If I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you.

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Should I just keep chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?


I am not sure why this song struck me so hard. The lyrics kept
running through my head all night. I went to the Pillars, again,
and the Moon was not in the sky so the stars were wonderful.
Bight and clear. I layed up there for 2.5 hours just letting my
mind go. Any way, Sometimes I feel like I am just chasing pavements.
I keep trying to get things back to 'normal' and think that
everything will work out eventually, but what if I am being
naive and making things up in my head. Creating an alternate
reality where everything I am yearning for will happen in time?
"Should I just keeping chasing pavements? Even it it leads nowhere?"
I feel silly for wanting some kind of confirmation that I am not
JUST chasing pavements.