A Library Of Living Life.

Natalie has been here this whole week and what an exciting and fun filled week it has been already. Her and her family arrived on Saturday night, unfortunately I was working ALL day long and by the time I got off Natalie had already gone to bed. It was alright though, she deserved her rest after that long drive, especially with the kids and husband.  I still went dancing at Charley's when I got off work, and that proved to be a good experience. I met a whole slue of people. The Gay World is such a silly place some times, particularly in the bar/club scene. We get all dressed up to impress everyone around and try to get people to look at Us. Upon entering the bar, We look around and try to find the people we know the best. We see them on the other side, and in the process of getting to them, We have to say hello to as many people as possible, even if We were just introduced once and don't actually know them. Saying "Hi" to as many people as possible give all the peo...

I love the spring so much. The weather finally starting to calm down and the sun coming out more.  It heating up and having the ability to wear shorts all day without having to change into pants after 4:00 because it gets too cold. Flowers are starting to bloom again and everyone is in such a better mood. The only thing I am dreading is the wave of Love falling over the city. Everyone is pairing up again. Everyone except me and it is getting really old. This feeling is starting to wear me down. I have not had a significant other to share Spring with for 5 years. Ugh, that just sounds wrong. Not only does it suck being single during Spring, but it really sucks when everyone you hang out with either has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Elimination by natural process begins to happen…First people to go in The Group of Friends are the annoying couples. The couples that, yes are in “love,” are all over each other and it just makes everything awkward. These couples cannot spend a single sec...

It has been a much better day than it was yesterday. Although the weather still is not what I want it to be. I need it to be sunny outside to help give me motivation for everything again. I have been thinking about it, and I need to get back into shape again. I have developed this gross layer of chub. I was so awesome about going to the gym for the last 2 years. Almost religiously too. Every morning I was there for at least an hour. Now I am lucky to get there twice a week. This semester has just been crazy. I was sick for all of January and February and part of March. Little did I know I had pneumonia and bronchitis back to back. So for the whole time I was sick, no gym for me. Ugh and now it is the hard part, getting back into the habit of going to the gym or at least working out in some form or another.  Not only am I losing all my definition and motivation, I am losing my lovely smile. Teeth are still as white as can be, but I am getting this gap between my front two teeth. I...

At the moment, biting my tongue. I have been trying really hard lately not to get too upset or allow other people to evoke anger from me, but this time I am having the hardest time. Slow to anger. I guess it really isn't anger I am feeling, but I don't have a word to describe how I am feeling. Whatever, I will just go to Deleta, put a shit ton of quarters in the Ranger Mission Game and "Secure the occupied US Embassy." "Don't shoot the innocent civilians." Normally I don't like the shooting games, but I am totally down for this one. Best form of therapy ever, besides retail therapy of course. Anyway, I thinking of taking a vacation...to Wichita Falls, Texas :)

Just a plain old blog this time. No theme. No lists. Just me, blogging.  Yesterday was of course, St. Patrick's Day. What a great day. Something about yesterday just turned my whole attitude around. I was hating work. I hated going. I hated thinking about it. I hated getting texts about work related things. I just hated it. Yesterday, I worked a double. 11-5, then 7-11. When in reality it was 10:40-5:40, then 6:45-11:30. Yeah, I know I didn't throw in the AMs and PMs, but you get it right? It was a long day. The weirdest part is I actually enjoyed myself. THE WHOLE DAY. I absolutely love my job. I have no clue what it was that turned my attitude around, but whatever it was, I am crazy glad it happened.  After work, I went out dancing...as usual. And it being St. Patrick's Day, I had to wear green. Totally forgot about that. Luckily I was only pinched 3 times. Well I walk down to Charley's and the line is Hella LONG! There was no way I was gonna get in before Midnight ...

Today I was chatting with a customer at work and this gentleman comes in frequently. He isn't a regular by all means, but he frequents the rink enough that we have created a little friendship. He usually has some question for me and we base our conversation off of the question at hand. Today he asked me what the hardest thing I had to experience is. Of course I immediately jump to 1) losing the Love of my life, and 2) coming out to my family. As I was driving home from work I started to think about it. Both of those experiences were extremely difficult. The two each taxed my emotions, physical being and self worth. but as I thought about it, I have come to terms with both of them. I am alright with losing Jeffrey. Yes, I cry about it every once in a while now, but it's been over a year, and I have no real choice but to get over it and move on (although hope still persists). Coming out was crazy hard, but at the same time so relieving that I would do it everyday if I had to. T...

Life at the moment is going great. Every time I think I have screwed things up, something, or someone comes into my life and saves me from having a bad day. Am I just getting lucky or has Karma just taken a rest for now? I like to think I am just finally getting a handle of this thing called Life.  Lately a couple things have been making me really happy. It is as if a combination of these certain items will create the Best Day Ever. Firstly, personal record keeping, AKA blogging. Everyday I look forward to posting a new post. I love to see any comments people have. It makes me smile to know that people I went to high school with are reading, especially those that I didn't really interact with either socially or even physically.  Secondly, music from Glee. Specifically the songs, "Silly Love Songs," "Fire," "Don't Go Breaking My Heart," "Friday," "Teenage Dream," "Valerie," and We Are Young."  Thirdly, ...

4/30 If I could go back into time....year 2007 when I was 16, there are 10 things I wish I could tell myself, just to have the information, hopefully make going through some trials a little easier.  1. You are a massive perfectionist when it comes to cleaning and and the order in which things are displayed or organized. Don't worry about it. It is really a good thing. You can study much easier and be more efficient when you are in a clean environment. And that day when you are looking for the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, it will be so much easier for you to find it if you put your movies and keep them in alphabetical order.  2. When you start taking your Dual-Enrollment College Courses your Senior year of high school, make sure you double check your Social Security Number because when the counselor registers you to the program, she will enter your SSN wrong and it will be off one number. That will make your second semester at ISU a living hell. Also, if you ever have ...

Describing my relationship with my parents. I Love my parents. Regardless of how often I think they are being stupid or how many times I get upset with them, I Love them. Completely unconditionally. They are two of the worlds most caring people I have ever know, I am sure most people say that about their own parents, but many other people would say the same. My mom, is one of the most caring individuals, ever. She would do anything for anyone. She is so sweet and wants all people to feel loved and will go out of her way to help someone. My father...my father, my father, my father. This man is so incredible. I have never met another person that would bend over backwards just to help a person, no matter how big or small. He is definitely a stern-looking man, but once you crack through that tiny shell, he is extremely soft-hearted, HILARIOUS, and simply a fun and enjoyable fella. There are times where my dad would rather help someone finish their house projects before even thinking abo...

2/30 Fears:  an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something or someone is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Fear No. 1 - I am terrified that I may be unhealthily fat again. I am so scared that I will lose control and gain all the weight that I have worked so hard to get rid of, back. As previously mentioned, my senior year of high school, I weighed 247 and was incredibly out of shape. A push up was just a dream. It is pathetic, but true. Most people say they couldn't imagine me being that big, but it was true. I was really really good at hiding my weight. Losing the weight was definitely one of the hardest things I have done, but it was so worth it and I am so scared that one day I will be dumb enough to let all the effort go to waste. Fear 2. I am terrified of falling and breaking my teeth. It is absolutely an irrational fear, but I am so scared of walking somewhere, tripping and hitting my teeth on the ground. The fear doesn't keep me fr...

There are several times I am out on a date and there is just nothing to talk about. I dunno how that is so because I think I am pretty interesting. I can talk about anything ha ha.  1 . I don't find any of the TV shows on Disney or Nick to be funny anymore. They all have girls that "act" stupid...but in all reality I like to think it is their true personality showing. 2 . I think it is one of the worst ideas to get engaged before dating for at least 1 year and I think short engagements are a bad idea.  3 . I have always been bad at team sports, but really enjoy playing soccer and baseball.  4 . I am the youngest of six children and it definitely shows that I am the youngest. We all know that I am my parents favorite, and my parents don't hide that bit of information. 5 . Nice things intimidate me, I am very accident prone and I generally can only keep something nice and new for no longer than a week or two. Oops. 6 . I think that any College Major that has to deal wit...

Who would have thought I would become friends with a person I was so angry with. Well friends takes it further than what we are, at the moment. We are more of acquaintances, but still. There is friendly chatter, delightful exchanges, and little random acts of kindness. Do I expect anything to come of this? No, ha ha, nothing more than just a pure friendship. Today I was informed that this individual sent me a candy gram for Valentine's Day. What a sweet little gesture. And I appreciate it. I guess I did get something for Valentine's Day this year :) Totally unrelated.... DISCO NIGHT at work! Yes!!!! It was awesome! Well for the most part. I am so disappointed in the employees. Only Netanya and myself dressed up. Everyone else was stupid and just came to work in their uniform. Good lord, I mean this is one of the only days that we don't have to wear our uniform, and they do it because they are lame. It was such a fun night, and could have been so much more fun if the other ...

I am afraid I am done. I keep telling myself, only 4 more years. 4 more years and Jeffrey and I will get back together, we'll live together again. Be madly in Love with each other, one day we will put those rings back on, eventually get married, and we will have the happiest life together. I keep telling myself that one day he will be romantic again. That he will tell me he Loves me, without me having to probe for it. But with every day it feels more and more like bullshit. It is getting increasingly hard to convince myself everyday that he still loves me, or even thinks about me. Last time we actually talked on the phone, January 26th. Of course that is my fault too, I could have called him myself, but when I feel like I am just boring him with my life or being inconvenient, I can't bring myself to actually push the "Talk" button. Last time he actually text me on his own accord, I don't even remember. I've a box of Valentine shit sitting here for him, but I ...