Your Husband Can't Know I'm 160 Lbs.

Washington state has seen the light!! It is great that another state is giving the right for Gays to get married :) Hurray...I think that I need to go to grad school there now. Move to Seattle, Maybe I will find a cute guy there, go out on a couple dates, fall in Like, experience my twenties like I should be, have coffee/tea in a bohemian style cafe', talk, laugh, do all kinds of random shit, rent mopeds and explore Seattle, go to a concert or two, relax by the fireplace in my 2 bedroom apartment that I got a smashing deal on, and then fall in Love. I dunno maybe that won't happen...but I would like it to. Seriously debating if I wanna stay at ISU for grad school or if I want to go some place else...I know that if I actually stayed here, I would be loved by all, I mean I already have it in with my adviser and the faculty just likes me to no end, the tuition is cheap, not to mention and Au.D from ISU is kind of impressive, but it is worth it? Is it worth staying here in Pocatello for another 3 years, especially when I can be some place else, gaining an education and experiencing life? Obviously being a grad student in a clinical setting will take up all my time and leave me a maximum of 37 minutes a week to explore and do what I want, but maybe it is worth the 37 minutes of free time. I dunno. A lot of my friends are applying for grad school and the majority of them are leaving ISU, I don't blame them, but I am starting to think, maybe I should do the same.

The original plan was to move to Tucson and attend the University of Arizona, but lately I haven't been feeling like that is where I should go. Yes, yes, I would be closer to Jeffrey..even living with him, but there isn't really anything else that is pulling me in that direction. The school itself is impressive, but not even THAT is catching my attention anymore. It seems like the only reason I would be moving there would be to be closer to Jeffrey. While my heart still resides with him, I feel that if I were to move, it would just be weird. Weird because we have lived away from each other for 10 months....almost a year....and we have both changed, well I guess I can't speak for him, but I have changed, a lot.

Jeffrey is coming up to visit this week, I think he still is, haven't really talked much about it. I have been far too focused on work and school that we don't talk much. Maybe twice a week...and I don't think you can even call it talking...it is more like random texts about the weather, or the most recent, his new address. It does make me sad to see us drifting so far apart, but who knows what will happen when he visits. It very well could be like the last time he visited. We automatically connected again. I guess you could say we fell in Love all over again. And of course feeling like that has its down side...like when he had to go back home...in Arizona...the feeling of almost having what I had been missing and then having it disappear again is far too much to deal with.

Wow, there ya go, ha ha there is an unexpected post about Jeffrey. Even I wasn't expecting that to happen.

I have allowed myself to feel again, and it is strange because I am allowing myself to be in Like with this other guy. I am being supplied with comfort again, and it feels nice. It feels great to be wanted again, or be desired. This week I have been asked out by 3 guy. That hasn't happened for a while, and it's good to get attention again. Even if it is just to go out and have coffee and chat, it is nice. I have postponed dating, in case for some miraculous reason Jeffrey decides to move back. But I can't do that anymore. It's just too hard holding on to that thought. I guess what we have here is a stage 4 clinger. On a side note that is kinda related to the topic at hand, Jeffrey's mom is in a couple of my classes, Love her to death, but sometimes it is hard to see her and not think of Jeffrey.

On the highest note, today class was cancelled :) I now have time to do some homework before I go off to work for the rest of my day.